During my initiation ceremony a couple of weeks ago, as I watched the corpse of the previous Nitpicker being burnt on an altar, admiring how the flickering flames seemed to dance on the melting flesh, I romantically promised myself I would strictly adhere to two rules this year. First of all, that I would use this newly acquired power to write as much as possible, leaving no stone unturned. Secondly, as noted in my latest article and heavily contributing to my first rule, I would try to focus only on the negative things. God knows there are enough publications and organizations flattering the crème de la crème of our country and university – someone needs to be there, patiently smirking in the dark corner, waiting to burst their overly inflated bubbles. Imagine my joy, therefore, when I stumbled across a single double-sided A4 paper this morning, on which was printed, in black and white, a guerilla publication of sorts entitled “The Piece Of Sheet”, anonymously left in random places all around campus. I must have squeaked out loud, like a seven-year-old girl getting a My Little Pony Limited Edition toy signed by Harry Styles as a reward for eating two tiny slices of carrots.
This first “issue” of TPOS is essentially three short columns manhandling a couple of hot current affairs and an audaciously written introduction with the KSU in its crosshairs that I had to pinch myself while reading. In it, TPOS requests that the KSU answer a simple question about their current accomplishments as of yet (if any), promising that the reply would be published in the next issue. Well, I never. Here I am, dear readers, dear KSU, and dearest TPOS, with a request of my own, which I very well hope you will answer.
During that wonderful sacrificial ceremony a couple of weeks ago, I was told that I had a carte blanche of sorts, and that my anonymity and my power to write whatever I want will be religiously respected. On the second time I sit down to write something, not even a month into the first semester, I find myself already tempted to abuse this power of mine.
I am now talking directly to BS, FF, BL and X, the sensual brains behind “The Piece of Sheet”: should you want to extend your reach over campus while retaining your anonymity, you can send in your random congregation of thoughts and attacks directly to me on email@example.com, and I promise you a spot on the Insite website. Your identities will remain unknown – as is mine, after all – and this would mean a big probability of increased readership…see it as a way to more effectively spread sheet (yes, I’m also seriously considering opening up a Pun of The Week section while I’m at it). If, however, you deem us (and, in some twisted way, me) as part of “The System” and you want to “stick it to the man” and reject this offer…I can totally get that. I’m a bit confused myself when it comes to my own position here, but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect someone who’s hell bent on their own. After all, this whole post has nothing but love and respect as its driving forces.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is…TPOS, will you marry me? x